‘I don’t have to tell you we’re tired’: Being a black mother in media

“I appreciate you sending me all of this, but as someone who works in media, I’ve seen it all… and honestly, I’m overwhelmed."

by Mary Staes
June 10, 2020

My Monday started off as any other Monday. You wake up, check your phone for messages, DMs, scroll down the timeline a bit.

But this Monday, after numerous DMs from one friend of protest videos and political hot takes, I sent back a message that hurt to even write.

“I appreciate you sending me all of this, but as someone who works in media, I’ve seen it all… and honestly, I’m overwhelmed,” I wrote back. “I’m limiting my time on social in general to protect my own mental well-being. I thank you for wanting to share.”

She received my statement well, but at this point, I was tired. I never thought I’d be here. I’d always seen myself as strong — I can stomach shooting videos, worldwide protests, whatever comes my way, right? But I’ve come to realize, I can’t.

Early in my career, I worked night shift. One evening, the news of Alton Sterling’s death began coming into the newsroom. So many other police killings national news had covered ran through my mind, but this was here, only an hour away from New Orleans. That’s when it started to hit home for me.

The next night my station had two anchors live at the store where Sterling laid dead in the parking lot not 24-hours before, while an angry crowd grew ever closer to us live on-air. I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid covering anything in my life — and a little piece of that fear has never really gone away.

Not long after, the station finally received the body camera video from the night Sterling died. I remember sitting at my desk with so many emotions — shocked, sad, angry. The same roller coaster of emotions happened when I watched a video of Jefferson Parish officers beating a teen accused of killing an undercover cop. The same emotions happened when I saw the video of George Floyd’s last moments.

Last week, my 13-year-old daughter asked to go to the protests here in New Orleans. I immediately shot it down. When I asked her why she wanted to go, she told me the story of a road trip she’d taken with family when she was about 6 or 7 years old. They’d gotten pulled over, and the officer made her uncle get out of the vehicle. At any moment, she felt it could have gone wrong. She started crying while telling her story, and as a mother, I felt torn between wanting my child to know WHY she wanted to go, and the weight having to PROVE to me, her mom, the reasons.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Socially✨Distant✨Dreams (@mstaes) on

At that point, I knew I was going to let her go, but as a member of the media, I also knew I’d have to stay home. Her godmother took her instead. From the moment I knew they were downtown, I stalked their location on my phone. Here I was, a mother, unable to see her child through these feelings because I chose to be a member of the media. I watched the little blue dot on the GPS as the march went from Downtown, along St. Charles Avenue and then took a turn towards the interstate.

“Don’t worry, we’re not on the bridge,” a text shortly after read.

That was the first, and only night, the New Orleans Police Department used tear gas on demonstrators. It was later revealed they’d used rubber bullets as well to disperse the crowd, something they initially denied. My child could have gotten tear-gassed at 13.

New Orleans Police fire tear gas at protestors on the Westbank-bound Crescent City Connection as the marchers protest the police killing of George Floyd and others on Wednesday, June 3, 2020. (Photo by Michael DeMocker)

I don’t have to tell you that people of color are the minority in newsrooms, even in a predominantly black city like New Orleans. I don’t have to tell you the pressure to speak up, or the fear of being shot down, during story idea meetings or reviewing scripts. I don’t have to tell you it’s hard, or that we’re tired.

What I can tell you is that after the events of last week, I hope we’re making a change for the better. I see all people taking the time to think about their words now, their actions, and how it affects those around them. I can only pray it lasts longer than the 243 years America has accepted systemic oppression.

Mary Staes is Digital Content Lead for Very Local. She works with our freelancers and crafts content for our social media platforms and website. Before Very Local, she worked with CBS affiliate WWL-TV as a web producer and weekend assignment editor for about 4 years. She has also handled broadcast coverage for 160 Marine Reserve training facilities while she served as an active duty Marine. As a native New Orleanian, she takes being "very local" to heart. She loves being intertwined with the culture and figuring out how there are less than two degrees of separation between us all, whether...

More Local Stories

Eat Play Stay Orlando: Sanford

On this episode of Eat Play Stay Orlando explore what’s new in the Northern part of town. Sanford has a plethora of breweries, bars, and delicious dining options to choose from.

Hometown Tragedy: The Pike County Massacre

On this episode of Hometown Tragedy: Missing in Milwaukee, we’ll explore what happened to Jerica Banks, her children, and how it impacted their community.

Six New Orleans parks that are perfect locations to celebrate 4th of July

Head to one of these six New Orleans parks to celebrate Independence Day in the city.

Cheap Date Orlando: Punk Rock & Pooches

Two Orlando couples shop vintage, search for the perfect slice, visit a post-apocalyptic saloon, and take the stage on blind dates in Orlando.

Fit and Fab: Free summer workouts in Boston

Cover photo courtesy Getty Images Looking to get fit for the summer? Still wary of COVID-19 or just looking for some sunshine while you sweat? Here are some Boston free summer workouts across the city so you can keep moving all season long! Seaport Sweat May 2 to Sept. 29 Boston’s biggest free workout series…

What’s On the Menu?: Farm-to-table

The farm-to-table movement brings locally grown foods to your plate. Not only will enjoying farm-to-table meals allow you to indulge in fresh, nutritional, seasonal dishes, but farm-to-table dining helps the environment and supports the local economy.  Check out these delicious farm-to-table restaurants in Greenville, South Carolina on the latest episode of What’s On the Menu?. …

A guide to some of the best Black-owned brunch spots in NOLA

Gather the crew together, make those reservations, and celebrate all things Black at brunch. 

A guide to Pittsburgh’s summer events must-do list

Check out our roundup below for the can’t-miss events happening in the city over the next few months.

Eat Play Stay Orlando: Tarpon Springs

In this episode of Eat Play Stay Orlando you’ll be transported to a thriving Greek community nestled on Florida’s gulf coast. From sponge diving to flaming cheese to a Greek bakery that supplies a ginormous amount of baklava to the entire country, you’re sure to fall in love with Greek culture in Tarpon Springs, Florida.

Dorchester doughnuts that pack a paczki

These traditional Polish pastries are the real deal.

new orleans parks

Six New Orleans parks that are perfect locations to celebrate 4th of July

Head to one of these six New Orleans parks to celebrate Independence Day in the city.

black owned brunch spots new orleans 14 parishes

A guide to some of the best Black-owned brunch spots in NOLA

Gather the crew together, make those reservations, and celebrate all things Black at brunch. 

From the Ivory Coast to Gentilly Woods – Eburnieya brings West African flavors to New Orleans

Owner Ashley NDakpri’s endeavor is the only restaurant in New Orleans that serves Ivorian cuisine.

Queen Trini Lisa’s Ascension to New Orleans’ Caribbean Soul Food Throne

Lisa Nelson didn’t plan on being a chef. She didn’t anticipate becoming a queen either, but true to the most beloved of royalty, the people made her one.