New Orleans Preps For Tropical Storm Gordon With Jokes, Memes

Never ask New Orleans to be serious.

by Alex Galbraith
September 4, 2018

New Orleans isn’t the sort of place to let a storm put a damper on things. So, even as Tropical Storm Gordon has people raising the stock prices of Kentwood and Ozarka, locals are finding a way to laugh about the whole thing.

Scrolling through talk about states of emergency and proper preparedness, you can’t help but find a few memes and jokes to help take the tension out of the digital room. We’ve collected a few of our favorites below:

Hoping there’s no big truck accidents ahead of the storm:

Of course, there’s more than one Gordon:

Reddit user NOLATyler took prep to a new, more aggressive level:

Gordon

“No sidewinder, bushwhacking, hornswoggling cracker croaker is going to ruin my biscuit-cutter!”

It was a good time to resurrect this classic from last year’s floods:

In fact, one Redditor with the handle pottersquash took the Game of Thrones-themed in-jokes (“We pay the mold price” and so on) and turned it into an entire ethos ahead of our first real storm of the season. It’s too good to quote piecemeal, so take a look at it below:

WE ARE THE SWAMPBORN

We are the citizens of Southern Louisiana, Southern Mississippi, Southern Alabama and the Florida Panhandle.

WHAT IS DAMP SHALL NEVER DRY

We are aware that living here means we will have to deal with tropical weather. We accept this.

WE PAY THE MOLD PRICE

For while this is leads to potentially life threatening weather conditions, property damage and ever present war with Mold and Mosquito, we enjoy our land, our culture, our neighbors, our way of life.

WE FEAR NO STORM NO WIND NO RAIN

For we are prepared!!! We have secured things which can float or blow away. We have our provisions to survive without power. We have made safe our important documents and contact information. We have enough booze to forget this ever happen. We are willing to flee if necessary. We have a plan for evacuation and will execute without hesitation when the time comes.

AS THE WATER RISES SO SHALL OUR GLORY

If floods come we are ready to lead a hand to fellow Swampborn who were unable to flee. What floods take away, we are ready to rebuild.

And I am adding a line this year:

WE ARE OF THE SWAMP AND THE SWAMP IS OF US

We will secure our animals and pets for they are Swampborn as well. We will secure our plants and gardens for they are also Swampborn. We are mindful that Swamp merely does what the Swamp does. We must take care of what we do that effects the natural Swamp order. We must hold accountable cough S&WB cough those who poor planning drive the Swamp where the Swamp does not want to be.

We are the Swampborn.

What is damp shall never dry.

Be safe. Get Drunk. Help Others.

If “Be safe. Get Drunk. Help Other.” isn’t some sort of official slogan by next September, we riot. That’s poetry, y’all.

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